Miss Fats did galentines RIGHT. Newly mobile, team Miss Fats got themselves up to Logan Square. the inaccessible [at least from where Miss Fats lives] mecca of hip[ster] food in Chicago. Top of their list: Jam and Bang Bang Pie Shop. Since they rarely make it this far north, Miss Fats was NOT going to let this opportunity got to waste. 4 course brunch, followed by pie dessert/dinners to-go. Get ready for some serious eats.
M: Holy shit chicken and waffle. This waffle is HANDS DOWN better than Longman & Eagle (famous for the bougie chicken and waffle). They’re very lucky they don’t have to compete daily with this one. The chicken was so juicy and tender, and the waffle crisp and light. Despite being a bread/fried object, it was not heavy, dry or oily, like most waffle/chicken combos. Instead all you got was pure flavor explosion and texture delight.
J: Chicken isn’t usually this dope. JAM took chicken as far as chicken can reasonably be expected to go, and then they put that radness on top of a reaaaaally nice waffle. Waffles are usually way denser than this one, which is NOT what you want with a chunk of fried cluck. The drippy was some kind of tomato syrup (?), there were some tomato-y things on top, and when all the flavors got together it was a SUPER AWESOME PARTY TASTE!!!
M: Smoked salmon might be one of MIss Fats all-time favorite foods. There is nothing better than a salty, soft piece of fatty smoked salmon. And Jam paired this already indulgent ingredient with béarnaise and eggs, resulting in the go-to combo of creamy sauciness and salty fish. While the salmon was absolutely satisfying and they did not skimp on the portion, the star of this dish was the potato-leek pancake: perfect salt, perfect crisp, pure potato bliss.
J: Skimp’s a weird word. Remember when Miss Fats ate Fish Cream? That bad fishflavor memory became fish dust in the fish wind, thanks to this ultra-pile. Omigod, it was so cute. Look at those poached eggs! There are few things more delightful than breaking the yolk on a perfectly poached egg. Okay, there are about 60,000 more delightful things, five of which are:
but it’s still pretty fun to smoosh an egg.
M: Ooey-gooey porky mess. out of control. This was the best kind of hot mess, people. The oozing eggs soaked into the tender pork and bread creating a sticky mess that you could not wait to get into your mouth immediately. Miss Fats favorite part was the ricotta salata, which provided the perfect salty, cheesy contrast to the rich meat and egg yolk. Now there was no way Miss Fats could finish this monster, but boy did they enjoy trying. Nice work, Jam. Oh and a serious shout out to those potatoes: you were so good soaked in yolk.
J: These POTATOES, people. Breakfast potatoes usually suck. They’re there because they take up space and are cheap, and peeps usually don’t put a lot of effort into them.
It’s kind of an All About Eve situation with this sammy though. Mr. Eggypork got UPSTAGED by his taterfriends. Don’t get Miss Fats wrong, it was a WONDERFUL SAMMY, but these potatoes, man, these potatoes. Can Miss Fats just add that their waiter Brandon literally said, “you guys are my heroes!” when Miss Fats apologized for not being able to finish the whole thing. Brandon: “You not only got a whole other entree, you got a half order of chicken and waffles, AND a dessert pancake, and you STILL got further into this sandwich than most people.” Miss Fats Wins. Every time. Brandon also laughed at Miss Fats and had to bring them extra napkins because their hands were totally covered in egg yolk and gloop.
M: Where to begin with these? Miss Fats was promised the “weirdest pancake you’ve ever had.” She’s not sure “weird” is the right word, however. More like mouth orgasm pancake. Such tart lemony custard, crispy bruleed sugar and tender tender pancake. dfsksfjslsdfnsdfkieng. yep. words dissolved. just like that buttery custard. WIN.
J: Yeah, no words. Gonna use someone else’s words, to paraphrase good old e.e.:
Following this meal, Miss Fats was borderline ill. But there was pie to be had. So off to Bang Bang Pie Shop they went.
J: Omg, it was steamy cause hot boys were inside! And hot pie!
M: Having read reviews before hand, Miss Fats ordered the Meyer Lemon Custard Pie, Chocolate Chess Pie and a Biscuit to-go. They were very lucky to have gotten their hands on one of these coveted biscuits: apparently they stop serving them after 2 pm, however it being Valentines day, they had extras (probably just for Miss Fats.) The real draw of the biscuit was the Jam and Butter Bar.
M: Yeah, gurl. You know you want all of that. While loading up on jams and butter to-go, Miss Fats was trying to figure out how to split the pies as they parted ways. Overhearing their flustered dilemma, a wonderful (adorable) pie man offered up Miss Fats a couple of extra (sizable) pie scraps of each!! PIE WIN. Little does he know, he gave them the greatest valentine ever.
J: FREE PIE FREE PIE MISS FATS GOT FREE PIE AND IS NOW IN LOVE WITH CUTE FREE PIE-GIVING BOY!!!
M: Miss Fats hereby owns the rights to future pie boy missed-connections screenplay. DON’T ANYONE GO STEALING IT.
M: Miss Fats started with this infamous biscuit. She smothered the buttery, fluffy pastry in the homemade blueberry jam and cherry preserve. Despite being hours old at this point, it was still flakey, soft, tender and moist. This biscuit is PERFECTLY salted. A rare quality for a biscuit, which usually is a sad side to some over-oily salty meal. NOPE. This shit shines all on its own. Miss Fats was particularly into the combo of the tart cherry preserve and salty crisp biscuit top.
M: Miss Fats is a huge fucking chocoholic. So naturally she went home with the large slice of chocolate chess pie. This was essentially a brownie with a pie crust. The cakey center was fudgy but tender and not too sweet. Yum Yum. One little critique is that she’s not sure what was happening with the caramel sauce. Supposedly this bad-boy has some caramel goodness in the bottom that was oozing out the sides. However she could not taste this! Disappointing. Mostly because she could see all that amber sauce but couldn’t taste it. Additionally, the crust was a bit too crispy. Frankly, Miss Fats didn’t need it. When she tasted it separately, of course it was delicious, but she’s not so sure it added anything to this pie. The filling was star.
M: Not the prettiest picture. But hey, that shit was FREE. No complaints. This meyer lemon custard pie was near pastry perfection. Miss Fats has always been wary of fruit pie because it often borders on too sweet for her. She just has never really understood why delicious fruit needs so much extra sugar. But this lemon custard was amazingly tart and creamy. The well-salted crust provided the right crispy texture against the fluffy filling. mmmmmmmmm fluffy tart filling. Yeah meyer lemon rind, you get in my mouth too.
J: Miss Fats is lazy and tired from the long hard day of eating all the food and so this is her 2 cents by way of altered song lyrics:
Chocolate chess pie you are making me crazy
I’m in love but I’m lazy (sort of the Beatles)
When you cut it, cute pie boy, save me a slice
Your chocolate pie, I declare, it’s sweet and nice (sort of Led Zep)
Taste so good make a grown man cry
Sweet lemon pie, yeah (sort of Warrant)
You’ll be my lemon pie until the day I die, I hope that’s a long time,
cause I don’t wanna die and live without my Meyer lemon pie – (sort of Of Montreal)
J: Oh yeah, Bang Bang had Bacon. In a jar. Just in case you’re still hungry, or something.
M: Miss Fats didn’t even SEE this! Double win, Bang Bang.
This Galentines/Valentines was right near the top of best all time. Miss Fats felt and looked EXACTLY like this at the end of the day: (this is a happy cat, people)
Image courtesy of Pudge the Cat.
Sleepy kitty needs a pie nap.