Miss Fats would like to begin this pie tale with a quote from her friend- who when nearly done with a slice, queried: “What… IS it?” The mystery dessert which Miss Fats baked in honor of March 14 (3/14 aka PI day!) was in fact, a simple Butterscotch Pie.
Pie crust. (Pre-baked.)
Oh dear. This is what happens when you work real hard making that crust all balanced with flour, butter and water, and then take the time to chill it but then get real lazy come roll-out time. Clearly Miss Fats didn’t take the time to make this crust big enough, or round enough, and instead opted to just throw it in the pan and squish the edges all up…. Then she baked it. Clearly without being properly weighted. Oops. But they were in a time crunch! Pi Day was nearly over and this shit had to get done.
2. Butterscotch filling. Basically you cook up a crap ton of heavy cream, brown sugar, some egg yolks, butter, a little flour, cornstarch, + vanilla. Oh yeah, and Miss Fats added salt, because THIS RECIPE CALLED FOR EXACTLY NONE. ?! That’s the whole point of butterscotch, it’s the epitome of sweet-salty! Anyway, cook that all together and you get this:
Butterscotch gloop! Pour the gloop into the crust and chill. Miss Fats made this close to the stroke of midnight on March 14th… so the Pi Day pie was DONE on Pi Day, but wasn’t admired/consumed until the 15th. So it received a full 24 hours worth of chillage and became more of a Ides of March thing…. let’s just call it Pides of March Pi Day Pie. C’mon, let’s!
3. WHIPPED CREAM. The final step is to whip up another crap ton of cream and smother the now extremely chilled pie. It’s like that time when it snowed three feet here in Chi-town, and everyone freaked out and called it Snowpocalypse, only in this scenario, Chicago is the pie, and the cream is the snow, and whipped cream blizzards are way more fun. The original recipe called for two cups of whipped cream. Miss Fats made that much and maybe used… half of it, which gave the pie a serious smother. So halve that, unless you have a whipped cream disorder and need it to stay alive. Miss Fats doesn’t want you to die on her watch. Given the rushed pie-making process, the whip cream seriously cleaned up Miss Fats’ mess. A little swirl of creamy, fluffy goodness will do that to the ugliest of desserts.
The final product:
Pretty nice, eh? This pie would comfortably serve about ten reasonable people, or 7-8 gluttons. (We will leave it to you to guess how many servings we got out of it.)
The pie ended up being a tasty salty, sweet creamy combo. While chowing down on this pie, the J half of Miss Fats was like, “I had a chocolate bar I thought about melting on top but I thought it would be weird.” To which M responded, “WHY WOULD THAT BE WEIRD?!” In the future, Miss Fats definitely intends to add some chocolate sauce action to the top, since clearly chocolate belongs in almost everything. Additionally, after indulging in Lickity Split’s coffee butterscotch concrete, she’d probably be into serving this butterscotch pie with a heaping scoop of coffee ice cream. Yeah she know it sounds weird, but that combo must be tried: totally out of control.
While sitting around enjoying the pie with friends, the room went quiet as hungry mouths were filled with salty sweetness. The silence was only to be broken by the best review Miss Fats has ever received, “I want to take a quiet bath in this pie.”
Miss Fats highly recommends that you do.